Blogging and Life

             Life takes us up and down and all around the bend. As you can see, I'm not that consistent of a blogger.  I also haven't blogged since 2013 and boy has life given me lessons. 2014 was a stressful year with my job and trying to recover with my injuries I had in the accident in 2013.  I got another cochlear implant in 2015. I had some kidney problems that same year. I lost my job due to bankruptcy and discrimination that year as well. I moved home in 2015.  I had a nervous breakdown as well. Multiple people passed away.  I was around some pretty toxic people. 2016 wasn't exactly thrilling as I tried to get ahold of my mental health as well as my finances. I've had to work on some pretty heavy demons throughout that time. I've gained about 80lbs totally on and off since then.  My weight fluctuates unbelievably despite trying to heal my emotional eating as much as possible.  I was in a car accident in March 2017. It was pretty bad.  Broke one arm badly, fractured the other shoulder and tore ligaments in my back.  My left shoulder is due to get surgery in August since it is not healing well.  I've gone through the run of the mill of doctors in the past 4 months as well.  I also haven't worked since 2015.  Good things happened too.  Several cousins got married, several cousins (including my sister) had babies.  I'm officially an aunt! It's been a long past few years.  I guess I felt it was wrong of me to blog when I wasn't cooking or really focusing on my health with absolutely everything going on. I didn't feel great physically, mentally or emotionally.  Why on earth would I want to share that with everyone? 
            So the question is where do I go from here?    I still struggle with some demons but their grip on me is not nearly what it was and it's barely there if I truly pay attention to it.  Those are the demons of negative self worth I like to call them.  Everyone has them.  It's not paying attention to them and moving forward is the hard part at times.  I've learned multiple ways to deal with it and I'd be more than happy to share it with you.  These are things I've learned through my social work career, therapy and just gaining as much personal knowledge as I can through books and other resources.  There's the life I always imagined I'd have by now at 33 which is nowhere in sight.  My health is a wreck.  My finances is a wreck and is so my career.  My love life is nonexistent.  I did however in the past few years learn to love myself and to set my standards extremely high.  I've also learned to forgive myself for a lot of the things I regret or wish I could have done differently.  If I changed anything, I wouldn't be who I am today.  I am filled with lots of knowledge, experience and love.  That is who I am.  I'd do anything for my family who I adore more then anything in this world.  I've made mistakes but I've learned from them.  I'd like to pass them down to my younger cousins, future children and my nephew.  I pray and hope they learn from my mistakes and don't repeat them.  At least if they do, I'll know how to help them and support them through everything. 
        I'd like to spend the rest of this year taking my health and my life back.  I'd love to become physically healthy again.  I'd love to run and lift weights.  I'd love to get my dream career going.  I'd love to become independent again.  I'd love to continue with having peace and increasing my level of peace. I'd love to be surfing all the time.  I'd love to find my partner to go through this life with.  I'd love to spend more time with my family and celebrate.  Most of all, I want to celebrate this thing we call life. My motto the last few years has been, "life is like a lazy river. sometimes we mosey around and other times, rapids come and we hang on for dear life to get through those moments."  It's a great philosophy and has most certainly gotten me through some rough times the last few years. 
       So this blog will have a range of topics for awhile.  It can range from pain management to essential oils.  It can range from vitamins and hormones to detoxing. It will also show resources that help guide me through my goals.  I will also have recipes that I may have created to recipes I've found by others and enjoyed.  It will have different exercises to talking about things that have given me peace in my life.  Who knows where the blog will go.  Until it finds its own path, it will be a wanderer. 
     Until next time, may health, happiness, love and peace find its way to you.
               Suzanne

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